Living with a mental illness is extremely difficult.
Living with someone with a mental illness is also extremely difficult.
My family and I don’t shy away from speaking about how mental illness has changed our lives.
I find it cathartic to speak about my experiences, and when speaking about a topic that is still shrouded in taboo, the simple act of talking can have a big impact.
Our communities are definitely moving in the right direction in terms of the understanding and exposure that is being awarded to mental illnesses. However, something that is still rarely spoken about is the lack of resources available to primary carers of those that are diagnosed.
My sister Grace has a very serious and life threatening illness. Her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder comes with traits like: fear of abandonment, extreme mood swings, impulsive behaviours and suicidal tendencies.
Grace’s mood swings can be so severe that one moment we are having fun and the next she is throwing things and trying to take her own life.
We try to absorb the goodness that is her good moods as much as possible, while simultaneously walking on eggshells in the fear of triggering a spiral within her.
Even with a specific diagnosis and access to some of the best health resources available, when the situation is critical, it is my family keeping her alive.
When Grace is in a suicidal episode, it is us blocking the doorways so she doesn’t run away, us guarding the glassware so she doesn’t smash them to cut herself and us stopping her from banging her head on the ground until she passes out.
We used to berate ourselves for falling in the pattern of calling emergency services in these instances. It felt like we were failing when we couldn’t calm her down ourselves.
Police and ambulance call outs became so frequent at one point, officers would remember our house and faces from previous visits.
The trauma of an emergency service call out is immense for everyone involved. Grace is only seventeen and has been cuffed and sedated too many times to count. Sometimes we have to call them to save Grace, but there are also times we are calling them because we physically and emotionally can’t hold her back anymore.
Most times Grace will be admitted to hospital in the wake of an incident like this. I feel guilty saying that I breathe a sigh of relief when she’s in hospital. I miss her so much when she's there, but it provides brief respite for us.
Of course throughout Grace’s treatment over the years, the effect her illness has on our family is always mentioned and considered. But the resources aren’t there to serve us all at the same time.
Even when being dealt a hand as hard as this one is, I can’t help but think how lucky we are to have such a tight family unit. I can not imagine how a single parent, or someone with financial barriers and the inability to take time off work, or someone with a chronic illness themselves would be able to deal with this situation.
The system built to serve mental health sufferers is getting stronger with time. But I do think there is so much work to be done to protect the health of those caring for those affected.
My family doesn’t want a pat on the back for caring for Grace, we love her and would do anything to keep her safe. All we want is some help from the system, and for people in similar situations to know they are not alone.
Learning to live with mental illness is a team sport, and right now we need every player to do their part.
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