Loneliness is an emotion I find hard to describe.
It is easy to say “I am lonely”, but when you are surrounded by people, are you lonely, or just unfulfilled?
I have been gifted with incredibly rich relationships in my life. I have friends and family that genuinely love and care for me.
I have not, however, ever had an emotionally fulfilling romantic relationship. This means even when I am surrounded by love and support, there are times I can feel alone.
This is something I often berate myself for. How dare I feel alone when I have people right there in front of me?
(This is the double-edged sword of having high levels of self-awareness: great emotional clarity mixed with ample opportunity to beat yourself up for said emotions)
Identifying what it is you are craving is a pivotal step in helping fill those gaps in your life.
Different people can offer you different things, and it is ok to want those different things from different people.
Identifying these gaps is also important because often you can meet those needs all by yourself.
In the past, I felt like learning to love your own company was like a concession of failure, that you were admitting that you were alone.
But with maturity (and therapy), I’ve realised that there is a beautiful strength in being content with your own company.
When you start being kinder to yourself, you surprisingly enjoy your own company more and more.
Now, with saying all of this, it is still ok and absolutely HUMAN to crave company and affection from another person.
It is also ok to not want those things from another person too.
At the end of the day we crave different things for different reasons, and it doesn’t help anyone when we beat ourselves up for feeling said things.
I am still working out what it is I am actually missing from my life right now. Is it intimacy? Connection? New company? Sex? New adventures?
When I actually narrow down what it is I want, I can only imagine (and hope) that it’ll be easier to find.
It is easy to throw around the term “lonely” when feelings of unfulfillment arise, but the only way to really fill the void is to find out what need is yet to be met.
